16.

.

Today,
you can be grateful that some things,
no matter how hard one might try to improve or modernize them,
just
remain
douchey.


.

14.

.

Today you can be grateful that prejudice and bigotry are, in fact, reversible.

.

13.

.
Today,
you can be grateful (if for nothing else) that you are NOT an absurdist.

And if you are,
in fact,
an absurdist,
then you can be grateful for rideo-ergo-sumanumanumoosoo-soolaimon, someone
has to
pee Dr. Zarkov! There's no sun! It's 8:24 in the morning, and there's no sun! suicide breakfast cereal and stop that stop that Costa Rica is EEP! where Rita+Moonie lived-no wait, BLUE. Mmmmmmmm You are ALL PETTICOATS! (this ain't no rifle) hammocks and hamHocks hammocks and hamHocks everyone wins at the library loving window screen trapped tiny flowers is
the fourth clue or, coo
and NO. I DON'T COME HERE EVERYDAY DONNA

.

12.

.

Today,
you can be grateful that the domicile in which you reside-
doesn't stink.

And if the domicile in which you reside does, in fact, stink...
then you can be grateful that you, at least, reside in a domicile.

And if you cannot be grateful that the domicile in which you reside doesn't stink
because you do not, in fact, reside in a domicile...

then you can be grateful that you do not,
at least,
reside in a domicile that stinks.

.

11.

.

Today,
you can be grateful that you are fed.
And that you are sheltered.
And that you are content.

But if you cannot be grateful for these truths
because one of them is, in fact, untrue,
then you can be grateful that
two outta three

REALLY AIN'T THAT BAD, WHINER.

.

9.

.

Today,
you can be grateful
that you are not waiting (at the train station) for the #5 California Zephyr.

And if you are, in fact, waiting (at the train station) for the #5 California Zephyr,
then you can be grateful that you did not, at least,
just eat a $2-pre-packaged chicken salad sandwich out of the station's vending machine.

And if you did, in fact, just eat
a $2-pre-packaged chicken salad sandwich out of the vending machine,
(while waiting at the train station for the #5 California Zephyr)
then you can be grateful for this-
A MIGHTY FOREWARNING:

You,
my friend,
are in for 24 hours of terrible indigestion.

Plan accordingly.

.

8.

.

Today,
you can be grateful that this is not a malicious or obscene message.

And if you cannot be grateful that this is not a malicious or obscene message,
(you filthy whore)
because it actually is a malicious and obscene message-
(you dirty dirty slut)

then you can be grateful that it is not an anonymous one.

.